What Marriage Taught Me About Managing Change

Best Marriage Tip? Don’t marry a jerk. Second best? Practice the pause.

When my spouse and I were just learning each other–in the early days of our relationship, I would shut down if I’d been triggered or called out. Coming from an abusive first marriage, the opportunities were ripe for me to get upset or spooked by the everyday events of life in relationship with others. My coping strategy was pretty toxic: I would metaphorically (or literally) hang up the phone, insist on going to bed or shut the door on conflict. But that strategy hurt our…